Mary Sue Pirates Beware!
by strawberrybrunette
Summary: Erica was your normal, MarySue writing fanficcer until she found herself on board the Black Pearl. But what's this? Jack doesn't want to be seduced? And she's not the only Mary Sue on board? Things will quickly turn strange. Jack&Ana?
1. Chapter 1

AN: Woohoo, my very first PotC fic! I hope I can actually finish it, I have the bad habit of starting stories and then leaving them to virtually rot on my hard drive-- However, I will try my very hardest with this one, especially of course if I get positive feedback. I guess I should do a disclaimer, though it seems a bit redundant since I'm posting this on a site made specifically for fanfiction...sigh

DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of this, except for my OC.

Erica Jones sat back in her comfortable computer chair and popped her knuckles appreciatively, blowing a strand of her newly-dyed pink hair out of her eyes. She had been writing for nearly an hour and finally had something to show for it; a new chapter for her Pirates of the Caribbean fan fiction. She had been planning on making the scene a major plot point, but she had been eager to make her OC and Jack kiss so she had sped things up a bit. Besides, plot didn't really matter anyway, did it? Her dark green eyes skimmed over the newly added paragraphs with something akin to glee, not even pausing as she took a large swig of her Diet A&W.

_Ericalotte stood with her fist poised hesitantly to knock on the door of Captain Jack Sparrow, uncertainty written all over her beautiful face. Was it time to let him know? Would he hate her for the secrets she had kept from him? The questions and insecurities raced through Ericalotte's pretty head. However, her secret could be of the utmost importance to Jack and his mission to recapture Barbossa, whom had mysteriously come back to life with no possible explanation available. That settled it. Whatever made Jack happiest in the end had to be for the best._

_She had only rapped on the door once before the smooth, rich baritone of the captain rang out through the silence. It was surprisingly gentle, despite the captain's naturally gruff voice. "Enter!" Ericalotte gave an involuntary shiver of happiness as she heard the captain's voice, and she pushed open the door a bit more confidently than she felt. _

_Her breath caught as she saw Jack, who was slumped gracefully in his chair with his feet on his desk. The signature bottle of rum was clasped gently in one hand. He studied her silently for a moment, eyes squinted as if to see her better, and then waved his free hand lazily. "Sit," he drawled out._

_Ericalotte remained standing, nervously clasping her hands and refusing to meet Jack's searching gaze. After a bit of a pause, she glanced up at him quickly and then back down at the worn carpet. Now was the best time to tell him._

_"Jack, I have a bit of a secret to tell you," Ericalotte began hesitantly. She began to wring her hands. In the background she could hear Jack take a swig of his rum. This wasn't easy._

_"Well...I suppose I'll just out and say it. My mother was a mermaid and my father is a pirate hunter who killed your brother."_

_Silence reigned in the cramped captains quarters. Ericalotte kept her eyes glued resolutely to the carpet. Normally, being after all the most notorious and skilled assassin in all the world, Ericalotte didn't have to deal with uncertainty. What if Jack hated her now? What if he made her walk the plank? Back at home, where she was the richest heiress in the country and the constant companion of her best friend Elizabeth Swann, she didn't have to deal with situations like these. Nervously, she played with the magical necklace that had been given to her by a pirate as he lay dying on the beach. It was in the shape of a flame and had the power to heal anyone who touched it, shoot lightning bolts at enemies, and time travel. Her face suddenly was tilted gently to look into the eyes of Jack, who had gotten up and now stood before her with his hand under her chin. She blinked, bit her lip, and looked back down._

_"Come now, love. That doesn't matter to me," Jack said gently. Ericalotte sniffed quietly and turned her stunningly green eyes with flecks of silver in them back to Jack's. He ran a rough, calloused hand through her beautiful, gorgeous, absolutely fabulous waist-length shimmering blond hair, which shone like newly minted gold in the soft lantern light. Jack spoke again. "I loved you ever since I first saw you a day and a half ago, Ericalotte, and I won't let anything get in my way. You're my diamonds and pearls."_

_Ericalotte looked up into Jack's eyes, surprised. She had dreamt and hoped that Jack had felt the same way as she did, but never had more of a fond hope of it. "Oh, Jack..." she muttered, unable to speak. She was the happiest she had ever been in her life._

_Jack cradled her head gently in his hands and kissed her, and Ericalotte felt her heart sing..._

Erica sighed happily to herself. Another day's fine work. She couldn't wait to post this baby...she only hoped that she wouldn't get flamed again by those people calling her story a Mary Sue again. Already her inbox was flooded, and she'd had to take her email off of They didn't really bother her, though. She knew that they were all just jealous of her and her wonderful original character.

She got to her feet slowly, stretching out her cramped and sleeping legs. A quick glance towards her bedroom's window told her that it was around noon, and way past time for her to be up and about. She hit the save button on her computer and left the Word document open as she got up from her desk in search of some clothes to wear. As much as she adored her homemade Jack Sparrow pajamas (she had printed out pictures of him from the computer and taped them all over a tank top and plain pajama bottoms) her mom always yelled at her for going around in her pj's.

From the look of the glaring sunlight streaming in through her window, it was blazingly hot out. _Stupid Midwest_, Erica thought to herself, fetching a bright blue spaghetti strap top from the depths of her dresser. _Either hellishly hot or subzero temperatures. _There was no doubt in her mind that she was going to go to a faraway college. She struggled into her favorite around-the-house faded blue jeans to match and quickly pulled her cotton-candy pink hair into some messy pigtails. Ah, presentable.

As she meandered into the kitchen, she could hear the sounds of another argument raging from her parent's bedroom. Great, now they would upset her little brother. Erica herself had long outgrown being affected by their constant battles, but it still had an adverse affect on her 9 year old brother Jimmy. Sure enough, as she reached for a Pop-Tart from the pantry she could hear him sniffle from the couch in the family room. She sighed. She wasn't in the mood to comfort him right now.

She grabbed a packet of Pop-Tarts and decided to eat them outside, away from her family. Quickly tossing the wrapper in the trash, she slid into her pink Converse lowtops and made a hasty exit through the front door. As soon as she heard the solid sound of the door closing behind her she relaxed. Finally a bit of peace.

Erica decided to eat her breakfast/lunch on the go. She ambled along her street to the local park, enjoying the day. The sky was blue, and the grass was green. She sighed, contented for the moment, simply enjoying one of the final days of summer. School was starting again in one short week, and Erica was definitely not ready for it. She idly wondered whether or not the vice principal had gotten a much-needed toupee yet. She was ambling around the park when the entire world shifted.

Erica quickly brought her hand to her forehead, forgetting about her Pop-Tart and thus getting raspberry filling smeared all over her face. It had felt like all of existence had given an inexplicable _twinge_ of some sort, as if something had shifted and settled. It wasn't a physical feeling; Erica had felt it in her mind. She frowned, her previous good mood dissipating. Her head pounded and she was suddenly hyper-aware of her surroundings. Her heart drummed out at a quick clip.

She stood still, simply taking in deep breaths one by one until her head stopped its throbbing and her heart rate resided just the tiniest. What had that been? Erica had never felt anything quite like it before. Whatever it was, it certainly hadn't been normal. Her brow furrowed. Or perhaps she was getting sick. Yes, that was most likely it; it was much simpler to except that story over some cosmic happening that she had somehow detected. Perhaps she should go back home; lie down. Oh well, it was just a bit of dizziness...Erica wasn't ready to go back home quite yet.

Then, just when she was least expecting it, the world shifted again. And this time, it was not a little twinge. It was an almighty lurch.

The vivid green of the grass and the deep blue of the sky seemed to go on pause around her, leaving Erica trapped and motionless for a long second. She hung, suspended in nothingness, as the world around her shattered. Her head buzzed deafeningly, drowning out all thought. She felt sick enough to vomit up all the food she had ever eaten in her entire lifetime.

Then, just as suddenly as it had started, the chaos stopped. Erica was enveloped in the cool darkness of unconsciousness.

Captain Jack Sparrow, looking exceptionally dashing as he stood perched in the crow's nest, surveyed the sea surrounding him and the ship below him with a fierce joy. To be on the open sea again aboard the Black Pearl was all that he could ever ask for out of life. The sun beat down on him, and a salty wind whipped his face and made his eyes water. On the deck below him, he could hear the harshly sweet voice of Anamaria barking orders to the deckhands and the creaking of ropes. He took in a deep breath of the sea air and exhaled loudly, trying to commit the moment to his memory forever.

Then, another sound snuck into the atmosphere. Jack frowned slightly, tilting his head to hear the strains better. Recognition dawned and he sighed, feeling slightly put out. It was a haunting, beautiful song, ringing exquisitely through the air. It harmonized perfectly with the dull roar of the waves, and was sweet enough to make even a siren envious. The birds overheard wheeled and called as if jealous of the song's sonorous sound. Jack winced and scowled. Not again. They were always at the bell all day, doing all they could to make simply living for him a nuisance. Bloody inconvenient. He did his best to ignore the delicate song and return to keeping a lookout, but the sheer beauty of it slid past his defenses and invaded his thoughts. His scowl deepened. He had thought that maybe by taking a watch or four would help him avoid them, but apparently he was wrong.

He leaned out over the precarious railing of the crow's nest and looked down at the deck, squinting to make out the singer.

"AHOY! YOU DOWN THERE! STOP THAT YOWLING THIS INSTANT!" he roared down brusquely. The figure on deck jumped and looked about, and then finally realized that Jack was above and looking down. She excitedly turned to two people who were standing behind her and began talking animatedly, pointing up to where Jack was.

Oh gods, he had done it now. He slumped over into a dejected sitting position, with his back against the mast. From down below him on the deck he could hear the first strains of the song again, this time sang determinedly louder and with full harp and flute accompaniment. Jack grit his teeth together and clapped his hands over his ears. Couldn't he ever have a moment's peace? He stared moodily out into the blue-green sea, contemplating how unfair life had gotten over the past few months.

Suddenly, his eyes alighted on a floating dot of _something _out on the sea, fairly close to the Pearl. He squinted against the brutal glare, forgetting about the persistent song still ringing through the air for a moment. Retrieving his spyglass from his baldric, Jack expertly flicked it open and adjusted it to the floating blob.

He let out an exasperated noise as he recognized the floating blob as an unconscious and most likely stunningly beautiful woman. He put away his spyglass and resignedly began climbing down the ratlines back to the deck. Not another bloody one.

He cast an eye down to the deck when he was about halfway down the mainmast, and noticed that the three women whom had been singing and playing their blasted instruments now stood at the very bottom of the ratlines, waiting for him. Perhaps he should issue his orders from here. He swung from the rope ladder to balance skillfully atop the mizzenmast.

"Man Overboard on the starboard side!" Jack roared to the crew. He could see Anamaria visibly jump from where she stood directly below him and grinned. She looked up at him and scowled. Jack began dishing out orders.

"Mr. Cotton, lower a rope and buoy down to our unconscious maiden! Mr. Scrawp, if you could go down and help said maiden attach herself safely to said rope! The rest of you, take up the other end and when you get the three tugs, haul!" Jack looked down to Anamaria's glare and gave a small mock bow, grinning mischievously. She always hated it when he interrupted the time she got to spend in full control of the ship while he was on watch. She tipped her head full back and surveyed him from her lower position.

"Stop looking down my shirt this instant, Captain Jack Sparrow," she called up in her barking voice, but looking amused. Jack smirked down at her. "As soon as you stop peeking up my breeches, love," he said in a carefree manner, then flashed a million dubloon smile. She smiled and opened her mouth to reply -

When she was cut off by someone's loud, wailing sobs. Anamaria jumped visibly, Jack merely heaved a sigh. It wouldn't be long now until he felt the familiar tug, the irresistible urge to go comfort whomever was bawling their lungs out. He cursed colorfully under his breath. He may be inexplicably pulled to go help some sobbing maiden, but that didn't mean he had to do it in good graces.

Sure enough, it came. The feeling of having two fishhooks stuck in his chest, pulling gently at first towards the disruption. He must have involuntarily made a pained face, because Anamaria said, "Is somethin' the matter with ye, Captain? Besides not havin' a bit of peace and quiet for over 3 months, I mean."

Jack made a resigned face. "Hardly, but thanks very much for your deep concern. If you'll excuse me, there are matters I must attend to." The pressure the invisible hooks were exerting on his chest was intensifying. Jack felt if he waited for another minute to go to the voice his chest would surely be ripped wide open.

"Pressing matters. If you'll excuse me," Jack finished, with a mocking doff of his worn hat. Without further delay, he grabbed a ratline and swung down onto the deck, setting off in the direction of the banshee-like sobs. Anamaria's eyes followed him for a long moment before returning to the sweating backs of the sailors she was commanding.

Jack strolled along the deck, seemingly unhurried. He knew that as soon as he got to whatever wench was sobbing her eyes out and comforted her the pain of the invisible hooks would disappear, but even in pain he was defiant. He didn't like some unseen force dictating what his every move should be. And lately, the unseen forces had gotten a bit rougher with him.

Every day now it seemed, exotically beautiful women in the oddest of professions had somehow fallen into his company. Most had stolen away at ports or he had picked them up off of deserted islands, but some just popped out of nowhere onto his ship, telling the most unbelievable tales about being fairies, sea sprites, or even the long lost sisters of either Miss Elizabeth Swann or Will Turner.

One even claimed to be the daughter of Barbossa. Jack had almost laughed himself silly at that one. He told the dismayed girl (who stared at him with eyes glistening like malachite and hair shimmering like quicksilver) that he had made her supposed "father" infertile without a doubt over 30 years ago. She had sobbed herself silly, that one, before finally taking her leave.

Jack finally reached the source of the horrible commotion. A maiden, probably aged around 20 or so, lay draped dramatically across the deck sobbing. Her waist-length fire-red hair draped becomingly over her curvaceous body, and the tears rolling down her delicate, perfectly shaped and proportioned face did nothing but accent her heart-breakingly beautiful baby blue eyes and darken her sooty, full eyelashes. Her lithe, slender body shook with her heaving breaths, inviting Jack to pull her into his arms.

"OH, WOE IS ME! WOE! WOOOOOOOOOE!" she practically screamed, making Jack jump backwards a pace. Jack raised his eyebrows and shot a look at Mr. Gibbs, who was looking on amusedly. Jack approached the young woman again with caution.

Jack gave her leg a kick. She didn't seem to notice, and continued to shout about her woe. Jack tried again.

This time, she dramatically wiped her eyes with on hand and pushed herself up so that she was propped on one arm. She arched her back so that her breasts were pushed out in Jack's direction. Then she took a tear-filled look at the pirate captain, who stood above her nonplussed. She crinkled her eyes shut and threw herself back onto the deck, with one arm wildly and melodramatically motioning Jack away.

"OH, NO, CAPTAIN! PLEASE, I DON'T NEED YOUR COMFORT AND SUPPORT! I AM INDEPENDENT, EVEN IF I AM BUT A WOMAN, AND SOON ENOUGH I SHALL PROVE THAT TO YOU!" she yowled, curling into a ball amongst a coil of ropes.

Jack snorted. He gave her another sharp nudge with his foot, making her open one tear-stained eye and regard him curiously.

"Ok, listen up. I don't want to hear your yowling and bawling on my ship again. It not only gives me a headache but it drowns out the lovely shanties of me crew. If you don't stop I'm going to throw you overboard."

The woman blinked, then jumped to her feet and embraced Jack in a tight, lover's hug. He stood silent and unmoving within her arms. She whispered into his ear, "You know, I'm not wearing any underwear underneath this petticoat." Then she pulled back and glared at him.

"How dare you, Jack Sparrow, trying to take advantage of a poor maiden sobbing her heart out over her dead family!" Thus said, she pulled back and slapped him. Jack turned with the blow, in his mind resignedly thinking that by the time all of these girls were done with him he would have a face of steel. He turned his head back to regard the female before him dubiously.

She turned her back on him and stomped off to his quarters, moving perfectly with the pitch and roll of the ship. The loud slam of his own chamber doors echoed in Jack's ears.

Two seconds passed, Jack standing still in the same position that he had started from, thinking to himself how much his life overall had declined in the past months. Then the door of his quarters opened again and the maiden stuck her head out, looking at him. "I also happen to sleep in the nude. Just in case you were wondering," she called out. Then she slammed the door again.

Jack rolled his eyes and headed back towards the crow's nest. At least there he could get a moment's peace a rest.

As Jack passed, Scrawp and Mr. Cotton hauled the soaked body of the woman out of the sea. She had beautiful, gorgeous, absolutely fabulous waist-length, shimmering blond hair that shone like newly minted gold. As her back hit the solid surface of the deck of the Black Pearl, she opened her stunningly green eyes with flecks of silver in them and gazed around her surroundings in complete disbelief.

"There is NO fucking way," Erica croaked quietly to herself. "There's no way in HELL!"

_Oh, great,_ Jack thought to himself with a deep, long-suffering sigh. _This one thinks she's a pirate. _Jack shook his head and mourned his recent loss of peace and quiet. Then, he made sure to run back to the crow's nest before the woman at his feet could start moaning on about how her family was dead or she had been lost at sea.

o-o-o-o-

AN: I came across this story that I wrote way back when POTC first came out. I figured hey what the hell, let's post it. Please review.


	2. Meeting the Others

Pirate Mary Sues Beware!

AN: Second chapter! I'm still finding the direction of this story myself, so please be patient with me. Also, this and my other story are the first things I've written, so I'm very new to this.

And I started writing this about a year ago, so I've pretty much forgotten what my original intentions for it were...er...I'll wing it.

Disclaimer: I still do not own Pirates of the Caribbean. Nor do I own its sequel, which is coming out soon! (happy dance)

o-o-o-o-

Erica began to regain consciousness to what sounded like a rerun of Valley Girls. She immediately relaxed back into her soggy pile of sacks, relieved. She must have fainted while she was out in the park, and now she was at home, asleep on the couch with the TV on. In fact, she _remembered_ fainting.

She also remembered coming to on the hard planks of a ship, with her dream man standing over her. She remembered fainting again. Her eyebrows knotted in confusion. Then, her body kicked in as well.

_Wait, soggy sacks? _Erica thought to herself. Her eyes snapped open.

She was in what looked like the bilge. She fought back nausea as the smell of the water sloshing around on the floor hit her nostrils. She wasn't alone, though. Stuffed into the ill-lit, claustrophobic room were about seven other women, all exquisitely beautiful and shining with an inner fire. They were arguing ferociously.

"Look, bitch, I said that _I _was going to harp-serenade him tonight!" snapped a feisty-looking brunette, obviously having been bred for the finer things in life, but longing for adventure. Her piercing blue eyes flashed with murderous rage. "You've already HAD your chance today!"

The redhead who had sobbed her heart out on the deck earlier that day cracked her knuckles menacingly, but with an undeniable elegance. Her upper lip slowly curled. "There is no way in hell that YOU are serenading him tonight, because he-," _crack _"-is-," _crack, _"MINE!"

With that, the entire cabin exploded into a furious battle. All seven women were suddenly transformed into raging forces of vengeance, bent on mutual destruction. Erica looked on from her pile of smelly bags, feeling scared. These girls were obviously insane.

The fight suddenly stopped, and a banging noise could be heard. Erica followed the other girls' gazes to the trapdoor on the ceiling. Mr. Cotton's grimacing face could be seen through the bars. His parrot was whistling happily.

_"Arr, hands off me booty, me booty,"_ it squawked cheerfully. Mr. Cotton seemed to agree. He eyed the women cautiously, and very quickly opened the trapdoor. It was open just long enough for a gigantic cauldron of something steaming to be passed through. He closed the door immediately, and lowered the cauldron the rest of the way on a rope. The sound of bolts going home was loud in the strangely silent bilge.

"Ah, dinner," another one of the girls said happily. The other girls watched in horrified fascination as the girl, who was shorter and quite spunky-looking, went to the cauldron and grabbed a handful of porridge. Everyone in the bilge watched as she gulped it down. Tearing her eyes away from the girl, the blue-eyed brunette finally noticed that Erica was awake.

"Girls, she's awake!" she cried. The group peeled their eyes away from the girl eating and all turned to regard Erica. There was silence, except for the slurping noises of the girl eating her porridge.

"Hello," Erica said timidly. Immediately, all of the girls reacted. Some drew themselves up regally, some slouched defiantly, and some struck sassy poses. It seemed as though a roll call was about to begin.

The brunette with the blue eyes sashayed forward. Her skin was so smooth and pale that it would have shamed the finest porcelain. Her eyes, the clear blue of a winter's sky, flickered and showed that there was an inner vitality suppressed. Sleek chestnut hair flowed down to her small, delicate waist. There was an air about her that suggested that she was not all that she seemed. She dipped into an elegant curtsey.

"Hello. I am Miss Olivia Swann," she said formally. Erica nodded dumbly. Oliva smiled graciously and rose from her curtsey. "I used to live in Port Royal. When my stepfather insisted that I marry, I decided to run away and live a life of adventure." Erica made what she hoped was a sympathetic sound. "Welcome aboard the Black Pearl. We hope your stay will be comfortable."

_Isn't Jack supposed to say that? _Erica wondered to herself. She gave Olivia a vacant smile.

Another girl came forward. She stalked with a grace that was beyond anything Erica had ever seen. She had raven hair that was pulled back into a sleek bun. Her skin was pale, pale from nights spent alone and cold. Her eyes were the cold, blank gray of someone who had seen far too many things in their life. Whenever she was angry, they lit with an inner fire that had caused men to run in terror. Her face was expressionless, dead to the world as was her soul. She would have been beautiful but for the aura of sadness and danger that surrounded her.

"I am Rhianna," the woman said. Her emotionless voice curled through the air and caused Erica to shiver. "I am an assassin. I have been trained since birth for one thing only, to kill. I have been assigned to terminate Jack Sparrow, but-"

Rhianna was cut off as another woman stepped forward. She looked pretty much the same as Rhianna, except that her hair was ebony black as opposed to raven black. Her eyes were practically spitting sparks.

"That's MY story," she growled. Rhianna whipped around and drew a dagger. The two glared at each other.

"I believe that _I _was here first," Rhianna said murderously. "And _you_ wouldn't know how to kill a spider!"

With that the two leaped at each other and locked into an epic battle. All of the other women scattered so that they wouldn't be clipped by the odd poisoned dagger. Erica stayed where she was, dazed.

Olivia was huddling next to Erica. She turned to her. "What's your name, then?" she asked.

"I'm Erica," Erica meant to say. But something made her say something else.

"My name is Ericalotte," Erica said. She frowned. "No, that isn't right. What I meant to say is that my name is Ericalotte." Again, she couldn't resist from adding the _-lotte_. Erica felt a bit panicked.

"My name is Ericalotte." No, that wasn't right. "I mean Ericalotte. No, Ericalotte!" She realized with a pang that she was now her character. Olivia watched with a raised eyebrow.

"Nice to meet you," she said.

Erica sighed. "Are we always locked up in the bilge?" she asked Olivia. Olivia laughed, a high, tinkling laugh that reminded Erica of a music box, fashioned of the most delicate silver.

"No, despite the best efforts of the crew. They are all jealous of us, you know," Olivia said, suddenly serious. "They are all jealous of us and so they lock us up."

Erica nodded. She was inwardly thinking, _this one is a bit psychotic…_ Olivia spoke again.

"We always find ways out. After all, even their petty jealousies cannot stand in the way of fate."

"Fate?" asked Erica. At least there was hope of getting out of the foul-smelling bilge. She was extremely grateful of that.

"Yes, fate," Olivia responded seriously. "The power of love overcomes everything. It can break the strongest of bonds. It can heal the deepest of wounds. And it can cross the widest of gaps." Olivia's eyes shone brightly. "There is a love between the Captain and I that none can deny."

Olivia suddenly shook herself and straightened up. She playfully shoved Erica and laughed loudly. "Oh, don't be ridiculous, Ericalotte!" she trilled. "Me? And _Jack Sparrow? _I could never be in love with _that_ man! I don't know what's got into your head! I can barely stand him most of the time!" She continued to laugh loudly. Erica shifted uncomfortably.

"I think that all of this heat must have gotten to your head!" Olivia declared. She stood and walked to the other corner of the bilge, disregarding the two assassins who were still battling ferociously.

Erica decided that she didn't much care if she met the rest of the women for now. She shivered, knowing that the character that she had created was just as psychotic and strange as the rest of these women. She set her mind to thinking about how to breaking out of the bilge and finding Jack. After all, he would help her.

Erica eyed the women surrounding her, and remembered that it was the fault of people like her who had put them here.

Well, Jack _might_ help her.

"I SHALL BEAR HIS CHILDREN AND YOU KNOW IT!"

Well, hopefully Jack wouldn't have her hanged.

o-o-o-o-

AN: Jack will be in the next chapter! Thanks to jennifer123 and cal, who reviewed. It really helps me out. And cal, there will be some more Ana/Jack interaction coming up… please review!


	3. Poker and Meeting Jack

Mary Sue Pirates Beware!

AN: Jeez, writing is a lot more work than I thought it would be. I guess I'm just getting the hang of it still.

I've been thinking on this story and I think that I might have a shadowy beginnings of a plot to attach to it. Reassuring, no?

Disclaimer: Not mine. (But maybe it could be for a day. Please?)

o-o-o-o-

The galley of the Black Pearl was crowded with the crew of the ship. It had become the unofficial headquarters of the crew, now that the decks had stunningly beautiful women with something to prove prowling around, getting in the way.

Anamaria and Jack were playing poker at the battered table. Anamaria had taken pity on the captain, who was now reduced to keeping a low profile on his own ship. The thought of the countless women stalking Jack made Anamaria grimace.

Jack, mistaking her grimace as a slip in her poker face, gave a triumphant grin. "Fold," he said, slapping his cards down with a flourish. "Two pair, love, I believe you owe me..."

Anamaria raised her eyebrow. "Absolutely nothing. Four of a kind." She laid down her queens.

Jack stared at her cards, then up at her face. "You cheated," he accused.

Anamaria darted out her hand and caught Jack by the wrist before he could withdraw it. "_I _cheated?" she said. "I think that it's _you,_ Captain, with the cards stuffed up your shirt." She used her other hand to reach into Jack's voluminous sleeve, and pulled out a king of spades and two aces. Jack paused, then pasted a smile onto his face.

"Oh my, look at those," he said. He grinned at Anamaria. "Have no idea where _those_ came from," he stated.

"They came from your sleeve," Anamaria reminded him sternly. "And you now owe me 32 pieces of gold, 2 strings of pearls, and a parakeet."

Jack made an injured face. "No need to remind me. I would never forget a debt to so lovely a maiden as yourself, my dear" he drawled, bowing slightly over the table and winking. Anamaria shoved his wrist back at him with a snort.

"If I remember correctly, there was one time when-" she began. Jack cleared his throat loudly.

"Is there any rum left in the panty, Mr. Gibbs?" he bellowed. "I hear 'tis bad luck to be sailing under a captain who is fully sober!" He turned back to Anamaria and half-smiled.

"If that was true, Captain Sparrow, we would be the luckiest ship in the Caribbean," she snarked. Jack didn't reply.

Anamaria studied the lines of his face. He seemed a bit more preoccupied than usual. Not many people could read Jack like Anamaria could. When most people would only see different stages of drunkenness, Anamaria could distinguish sorrow, apprehension, anger, and playfulness. She put it down to having known him for many years.

Now, he seemed preoccupied. That could only mean one thing. He was considering a theft.

Anamaria wasn't sure if Jack knew how well she could usually read him. It was something she prized, so she never advertised the fact. She always resorted to good, old-fashioned careful prodding to get Jack to clarify the emotions she read on his face.

"So where are we going now, Captain?" she asked. Fairly blunt, but it would probably get the job done.

"That is the question," Jack murmured, almost to himself. He turned his eyes to hers. They were surprisingly intense.

"That woman that we picked up today, the one with the blond hair," he started. He paused to collect his thoughts. Anamaria waited. "She seems to be the key to something. The key to something big. The key to my past, to something that happened to me long ago..."

Anamaria sighed in sympathy. It was happening again to poor Jack. It was the presence of those damned whores. They messed around with Jack, and made him even more off center than he already was. She listened with pity as Jack told her a strange tale about a sea sprite and a magical tiara. By the end of the speech, Jack had regained most of his control over his words, and was interspersing the ridiculous tale with curses.

"And now, I'm supposed to sail to the magical isle and rescue the b-" Jack took a deep breath and stopped talking. His cheeks were flushed.

Anamaria furrowed her eyebrows. "Are you alright, captain?" she asked, concerned. Jack sighed gustily.

"I'll be alright, once I stop being jerked around by the balls by something I can't even _see_," he growled. Anamaria felt anger swelling up in her.

"I'm sure if you just chuck them overboard, things will go right back to normal," she suggested. Jack shook his head, looking wistful.

"Tried it. I immediately had to dive in and rescue the silly bint. I even dove in backwards and did two flips."

Anamaria didn't know what she could do for her captain. Being a pirate, this resulted in one basic urge: the urge to fight something.

"I'm going to go partol once around the decks. Goodnight, Captain Sparrow," she said crisply, getting up from the table, just as Mr. Gibbs arrived with a large flask of rum.

"No goodnight kiss?" Jack purred flirtatiously. "Anamaria, you are breaking my heart." He took the flask with a nod of thanks.

Anamaria scoffed. "I know you, Jack Sparrow. You would rather hold a bottle of rum to your chest than any girl under the sun." With her head held high, she turned and left for the decks.

Jack raised an eyebrow and took a large swallow of the rum.

"Excuse me, Captian Sparrow?"

The timid voice at his elbow took Jack complete by surprise, which wasn't something that happened often. Jack jumped and sprayed out half a mouthful of his prized rum. He swung around and saw the woman who had been rescued that day, the blond. He adopted a neutral face and stood from the table. He walked quietly from the galley to the cabin hallway, which was right outside.

He turned to Erica with a false smile.

"You see, when I start to lose control of my actions and look like a complete fool, I don't want it be in front of me crew," Jack said in a mock polite tone. He made a sweeping gesture with his hand. "Proceed," he said.

Erica felt like the fool. She had expected something grander from her first meeting with Jack Sparrow. She didn't know what, exactly, maybe a spontaneous recitation of poetry, but instead she felt small and unsure of herself.

"I have something to say to you that might seem strange," Erica said. Jack looked at her and merely waited for her to continue. Erica had no idea as to how he would react to what she was about to say.

"I'm from another world," she blurted out.

Jack didn't respond at all. He looked at her with the exact same expression of polite disinterest.

When Erica didn't say anything for a while, Jack raised his eyebrows.

"'Zat it? Splendid. Well, I must be off," he said, turning and sauntering down the corridor. "Things to do, places to see, people to go..."

Erica sputtered in disbelief. That wasn't what was supposed to happen! Even if he didn't believe her, Jack was supposed to _care_ a little bit!

It was then that deep in her heart, Erica knew that seducing Jack Sparrow was completely impossible for her. It would never happen.

So she was stuck in the middle of the ocean, lumped in with a dozen of insane women, and had no visible means of getting back to her home. The only reason that she would have wanted to stay here, to seduce Jack, was now clearly not an option.

What was she supposed to do now?

Erica had no idea at all.

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AN: I'm sorry that it's short, but I wanted to get a chapter posted tonight. Thanks to jennifer123 for reviewing again! I hope that answered your question - "nothing at all." :D Thanks also to Tuna (heh, don't worry, I'm an equal opportunity shipper), Geheimnis, and eternalhope08! I hope everyone likes this chapter – short but sweet?


	4. Anamaria's Advice

Mary Sue Pirates Beware!

AN: Back again after half a year off. I got a review from Inquisitive and was inspired to write again. No, there's no involved excuse about how I was kidnapped by assassins and forced to avert the destruction of the world...I simply didn't write for the past half a year. But I hope anyone who's reading this will like this chapter.

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Erica had just realized that the hope that she'd been hanging on to, her ace up her sleeve, the sympathy of Jack Sparrow, wasn't going to come through for her. She stood in the corridor of the Black Pearl and felt a little bit like crying. Ok, she felt a lot like crying.

Erica pulled herself together as much as she could and went up the ladder to the deck. The air was breezy and cool, and the wind danced across her forehead. The stars were out, and it was an incredible sight. She had never seen so many stars.

She wandered down the deck, taking time to look out at the sea and give a little thought to her situation. She didn't foresee any way of getting home, and that scared her. But luckily, she wasn't too homesick yet. Sure, having what seemed like six or so slightly _off_ roommates wasn't too glamorous, but it wasn't horrible.

Without warning, a hand grasped Erica's forearm. She barely managed to choke off a very girly scream. She was whirled around violently. Out of the darkness came the stern face of Anamaria.

"Come on, you," Anamaria growled, wrenching at Erica's arm, "You should really be getting back to the bilge." Erica tried to resist, but the female pirate's grip was strong and unrelenting.

Erica went along with Anamaria as docilely as she could. It was strange, but her views on a lot of things had taken a complete 180 since she realized how foreign she was in this world. She didn't resent Anamaria, but instead felt a little embarrassed.

"Anamaria?" she ventured. The pirate grunted to show that she had heard. "Do you guys need any extra help around the ship?"

The pirate stopped and eyed her, making Erica feel very awkward and uncomfortable. "I'm really glad you guys rescued me, and I just thought maybe I could repay you somehow," Erica tried to explain. She was feeling mortified for some reason.

Anamaria sighed, and started walking again. "Look, the best service you could do for us is to stay out of our way. We know what we're doing, we've been doing it very well for a long time. If you want to help out, think of a way to make those other girls useful, or maybe just make them stop being so damn obtrusive."

Erica bowed her head. "Ok," she said. Anamaria still threw her into the bilge, but maybe a mite softer than she would have before. At least, that is what Erica thought to herself.

Surprisingly, only four of the other girls were in the bilge, the rest apparently out stalking around the decks. Rhianna was the only one whose name Erica had caught, but there was also what looked like a mermaid, a girl with glistening chestnut curls, and the spunky looking girl who had so eagerly eaten the porridge earlier. They all looked up sharply when Erica came splashing down to join them.

"Been caught by Anamaria?" Rhianna asked. Erica nodded and sat down on a crusty barrel. "Yep, she's pretty relentless." Rhianna's eyes flashed with vengeful fire. "There will come a time, a day, a dark hour, when she and I will duel as nemeses and from the ashes of our battles waged will rise the victor, a shining phoenix cast in fire, the undoubted and uncontested rightful right-hand woman of Jack Sparrow!"

Everyone in the bilge just blinked, then went back to what they were doing. The mermaid was combing her hair with a seashell. The girl with the chestnut curls was picking at her fingernails. The spunky looking girl was splashing around in the bilge water and didn't seem too bothered by anything.

Erica looked around at them, and thought back to what Anamaria had snapped at her. _Think of a way to make those other girls useful. _There had to be something that they could do besides think of ways to seduce an unwilling man.

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It's a pretty short chapter but I hope you guys like it!


	5. Exposition!

Mary Sue Pirates Beware!

ch 5

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Jack waltzed down the corridor and up onto the deck of his ship. Using all of his skills of cunning and stealth, he managed to sneak his way up into the crow's nest, after narrowly avoiding a terrifying woman wearing nothing but an exotic snake. The crow's nest was quickly becoming his most treasured place of solitude. Maybe it had something to do with the booby traps that he had cunningly laid on the ratlines that discouraged the women from sneaking up there, but maybe not.

Jack took a moment to appreciate the scenery of the sea at night, then took another moment to appreciate a large gulp of rum from the bottle clasped in his hand. Ah, that was much better. The blurrier his vision, the clearer his thoughts, or so Jack had often told Anamaria.

A large belch worked its way out of Jack. He considered his situation.

All of these women springing up couldn't just be coincidence. Well, obviously it wasn't. But the real question, the one at the heart of it all, was what made his ship the bloody magnet? What was it the magnet _of? _The girl Ericalotte's tale of another world, she wasn't the first to be so obviously insane. Maybe she wasn't. Maybe there was something going on that made all of these women cropping up make sense.

Jack took another gulp of his rum and searched his brain for anything that might be an answer. He tried to remember the tales he'd heard from other pirates like himself, and tried to sort out the real ones from the ones spun by pirates a little too cooked by the sun.

Suddenly, the answer hit Jack like a ton of wet bricks coated in sobriety. Of course! Why hadn't he thought of that before!

Jack leapt up from his dignified sprawl and swung down the ratlines with gusto. Most men would be terrified to be two stories high and dangling only from ropes, but Jack didn't mind. He carefully avoided the ratline that he had booby trapped with dead squid. With little more than a soft thump, he landed on the deck and set to finding Mr. Gibbs.

"Gibbs, matey," he said heartily, looping his arm around the man with the muttonchops. Jack had found Gibbs in front of the fire in the galley, eating a quick dinner before taking his watch. "Pour yerself some more rum and let's have a drink."

"Well Jack, you're seeming pretty chipper," Gibbs grunted while pouring himself some more rum, not needing Jack to tell him twice. "What's in yer head?"

Jack circled around the table Gibbs was at and sat across from him. He clapped Gibbs on the shoulder cheerfully and gave him a wink. "Well, Gibbs me fine man, it just so happens that I've figured it all out."

Gibbs perked up. "Figured what out, Jack?" he asked. "Figured how to rid us of all these women? I've said it once and I'll say it again, 'tis bad luck to have a woman – "

"Partly, yes," Jack replied. He watched Gibbs shrewdly while the man took another drink of rum. "I've figured how we get them off."

Gibbs leaned in. Jack looked at him for a moment, then took a sip from his own flask of rum. "World's Eye," he said softly and distinctly. Gibbs jolted backwards, alarmed, then looked around and composed himself. He leaned in and whispered at Jack.

"Yer joking!" Gibb's eyes roved around the room. "Those that go to the World's Eye pay a dreadful price. You've heard the tales."

Jack raised an eyebrow. "It's a price I'm willing to pay. Look at me, Gibbs," he said, leaning back in his chair and throwing his arms wide theatrically. "I'm but a shadow of the man I once was. Look at me! Do I look like a man who is whole?"

Gibbs raised his mug again and surveyed Jack. "You never looked to be all there, Captain," he said respectfully. Jack looked Gibbs in the eye. "The World's Eye, Jack?" he whimpered.

Jack nodded. "It's the only way," he intoned.

Gibbs set about resigning himself to traveling towards the World's Eye instead of away from it. Jack rose in his graceful, drunken way and went to find Anamaria.

He found her coming back from a successful patrol. The two stopped to talk in the shadow of the main mast.

"Anamaria, love, I've got it figured," Jack began. Anamaria looked hopeful and waited for him to continue. "Me and Gibbs came up with it ourselves. If we're ever going to straighten out this mess," Jack waved expansively at the deck, on which Olivia and a buxom redhead were preparing to do a vaudeville show complete with tiny, sparkly outfits and scarves, "we've got to get some answers." Anamaria glared at the girls and began to stalk over to them to shoo them back into the bilge.

Jack's hand on her shoulder stopped her. "We're sailin' to the World's Eye," he said gently.

Anamaria froze and looked at him incredulously. Then she went to lean against the main mast.

"The World's Eye doesn't exist, Captain," Anamaria said. Jack smiled and swayed back and forth a little bit.

"Doesn't it? I used to hear that 'bout the Pearl all the time," Jack said.

"If it does exist, why would we want to go there?" Anamaria asked. "Isn't it the gaping mouth of hell?"

Jack grinned. "Ah, now here's where the story gets muddled. Some say the World's Eye is the mystic place where the mysteries of the ages are revealed to those who ask the right questions." He watched for Anamaria's reaction. She seemed nonplussed. "Others say it's the gaping mouth of hell." He shrugged. "It's up to one's interpretation."

Anamaria watched her captain, feeling a little angry. "We're sailing into maybe the gaping mouth of hell, captain?" she asked. Jack seemed uncomfortable at her phrasing, but nodded. "Wonderful plan, sir," she snapped feistily.

"That's right. If we don't make it out alive I'll maybe admit I've been cheating you at cards for two years." Jack grinned at her. "Savvy?"

Anamaria pushed past him to break up the vaudeville show, which had attracted most of the other sailors, if not Jack Sparrow. "Savvy," she muttered. No matter which way she turned it, she didn't like sailing into death.

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AN: Ok, actual plot, here I come! This is going to be weird for me but I'm going to try. Review and tell me what ya think!


	6. Questions Asked and Answered

Mary Sue Pirates Beware!

Chapter 6

A/N: For those who might have wondered where the hell I went: Basically, I got wrapped up in going to school, getting a little un-obsessed with PotC, and just forgetting about my ff.n account. However, ff.n didn't forget about me! Due to a few reviews that found their way to my inbox, I've renewed my interest in this story.

The best part about all of this is that I now have a plot, and I saved it on my computer so that just in case I don't write for a year (which has never happened in the past, so I don't know why it would cough), I'll eventually remember. So really, if you want me to write more, the reason I haven't is probably just everyday distraction, and if you review, I might be goaded into it.

And thanks to those people who still reviewed, despite this story being really old. Anne la Jordanie and VeroniqueClaire are two undeniably awesome people who deserve hugs and cookies.

Ok, enough rambling. Here is the latest chapter!

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Erica was lying in the wet, smelly sacking that was her bed. Two weeks ago, this would have seemed like a dream to her. After all, she was within close range of her Object of Lust, and she had a stunning body to boot. Her pale blond hair shimmered and curled beautifully, framing her downcast face. It was amazing how it never, ever got bilge water in it.

Her reality was somewhat different from what she had expected. Who knew that being a pirate was actually so cold and dirty? Of course, not all pirates were locked in the bilge, but there were some qualities of life that Erica just couldn't reconcile with her former daydream ideas.

That bucket in the corner, for instance. In Erica's mind, pirate ships had had elaborate systems of chutes that led to wastes being emptied unobtrusively into the sea. Her nose wrinkled. That wasn't quite the way it was. Add in the fact that there was no toilet paper, and you had a great big steaming pile of unpleasantness.

Erica took stock of the bilge. There was Rhianna over there in a corner, sharpening a dagger with her teeth. A mere moment's sloshing away from her, the mermaid was lounging, reading what looked suspiciously like a Cosmopolitan. How was that even possible?

Erica remembered that she was locked in Jack Sparrow's bilge and decided that it wasn't that farfetched.

The spunky porridge-eater was also present. She was braiding her hair, adding in little bits of garbage that she'd found floating in the ankle-deep bilge water. Disgusting.

Erica cleared her throat uncertainly. She was all for seducing Jack, even though she admitted to herself that it wasn't going to happen, but she craved some friendly company too.

None of the Sues looked up at her throat-clearing. Erica paused, wondering whether she was really going to say this. Oh well, what did she have to lose?

This epiphany struck Erica. What did she have to lose? She wasn't even in her dimension anymore. If she died, she'd probably just come back as the Ghost of Mary Sues Past and haunt the Pearl. She had absolutely nothing to be scared of. That thought fortified her and helped her overcome her shyness.

"Does anyone want to play 20 Questions?" she asked.

The spunky porridge-eater looked up with glee. "Ooh, yes! I do! That sounds like fun!" She sloshed over to Erica and stuck out her hand. "My name is Lark, by the way," she said cordially.

Erica shook it. "My name's Erica," she said out of habit, and winced when it came out as "Ericalotte." "What's your story?" she asked Lark.

"I'm a pirate, of course!" Lark exclaimed. She paused. "Couldn't you tell from my braids?" She sounded a little unsure of herself.

Erica put on a smile. "Of course! What was I thinking?" she said. Lark's face resumed its chipper demeanor.

"Yarr, I'm just an old scalawag, a dog of the sea," she continued. "I'm quite notorious in parts of Spain."

"Really," Erica commented.

"I'm a bold adventurer whose path has crossed with Captain Sparrow's," she explained. "You see, he's got this magical toe ring that will guide me to the Treasure of Odif. I'm just pretending to be trustworthy. I'm going to seduce him, steal his heart and his toe ring, and be off the Pearl and on my way to immeasurable wealth before you can say 'oh really'!"

"Oh, really?" Erica asked. There was something about Lark that just wasn't threatening or off-putting at all. She vaguely reminded Erica of a poodle that had had too much coffee. Erica smiled at her.

"Yep! It'll all work out to my slightly devious advantage, just you see," Lark said optimistically. "What about you? What's your deal?" Her voice sometimes took on the cadences of a stereotypical pirate, but she often lapsed out of it. Her accent sounded American.

"Oh, I have no idea," Erica sighed. "I guess you could say my history is a complicated one." Erica felt the urge to confide, but was still slightly wary. However, Lark looked friendly and supportive, and Erica couldn't resist.

"I remember everything. I was writing a story about all of this." Erica's hand waved towards the bilge, and she frowned. "Well, ok, not _this_ specifically, but about the Black Pearl. About me and ...Jack." Erica blushed a little. "Now I'm here. I'm in my character's body. It's just weird."

Lark patted her shoulder comfortingly. Erica sighed.

"It's just really fucking weird!" Erica said again, forcefully.

Lark nodded, and continued patting her shoulder. Erica lost herself in her musings for a brief moment, but then brought herself back to the present.

"It'll be ok. I mean, the Pearl isn't that bad." Erica surveyed the sloshing, brown water, smelled the overwhelming stench of rot that pervaded the bilge, and heard a pirate passing overhead yell "GO BACK TO THE HELL YOU CAME FROM!" down at the bilge.

The two sat in silence for a moment.

"Not to mention the delicious food we get here," Lark commented. Erica eyed her askance. She seemed sincere, which scared Erica even more.

"Anyway, let's play 20 Questions!" Erica said with forced cheerfulness. "We have to do something to break the monotony!"

"Alright! Ooh, ooh, me first!" Lark said, excited. Then she paused, and looked at Erica. "How do you actually play 20 Questions?" she asked.

Erica smiled. "I guess scalawag dogs of the sea don't play a lot of 20 Questions. Well, basically, you pick something that you can see, but you don't tell me what it is. Then, I get to ask you yes or no questions about it. I try to guess what it is, and you tell me if I'm right or wrong. If I don't guess it in 20 questions, you win. And I usually play with objects that are in the room. Got it?"

"Yarrgh. Alright, I've got it," Lark said immediately.

Erica looked around the bilge. There was not much to be seen. There were the smelly, wet sacks that most of the Sues used for bedding, a few old, crusty barrels that had barnacles covering half of them, Rhianna and the mermaid, and the trap door above them. There was also, of course, the sloshing water and the remains of last night's porridge floating around in it.

"Is it wet?" Erica asked, then immediately realized what a stupid question that was. Everything was wet in the bilge.

"Yes," Lark answered. 

"Does it smell bad?" Erica asked, then cursed herself again. As if that would rule anything out.

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Jack Sparrow, meanwhile, was holding a conference with his most trusted crewmates. He, Ana Maria, and Gibbs were cloistered in his quarters, poring over a map. The room was dim and lit only with candlelight. Jack had learned long ago not to leave his shutters open.

Jack shuddered to himself. Never, _ever_ leave the shutters open.

He shook unpleasant memories out of his mind and pointed to the map with a flourish. "Do you know what this is, mates?" he asked, adding grandeur and weight to his words. Gibbs and Ana looked down at the map.

"That's Mexico, Cap'n," Gibbs grunted. Jack glanced down at where his finger lay, twitched an eyebrow, and hastily moved it to the right.

Ana sighed, and looked where Jack's finger was. She knew what lay there.

"The Straits of Magnavox," she said, allowing her disapproval of Jack's ideas to show in her voice. "The path to the World's Eye." Ana reflected that if she didn't hold Jack in such high regard and so value his companionship, she would have left this crazy captain long ago. She was all for adventuring, but the Pearl wasn't even properly outfitted to deal with the Straits of Magnavox.

Ana remembered back to the tales that she used to listen to when she was just a little girl, back when she would dress as a boy and hang around Tortugan bars just to get a taste of adventure. Pirates told the tallest tales imaginable. They spun stories about monsters and sea demons, uncountable treasures, and murderous madmen. However, the most harrowing tales of all were the ones about the Straits of Magnavox.

The Straits of Magnavox were the straits that led to the World's Eye. They were filled with monsters of all types, according to many drunken sailors. The farther in you got, the stronger they became, until finally you reached the mouth of hell itself, the World's Eye.

The World's Eye was the place where ships went but never returned from. It was where not even a rumor of what was there could escape. Ana shivered.

The Straits of Magnavox. Was Jack going to get them all killed?

"Right you are, me lovely lass. The Straits of Magnavox. The way I see it, the World's Eye is the only answer I can find to our little problem," Jack said, leaning on the table. "We're at least two weeks away from 'em, but we should start gettin' ready now. Ana, you take inventory of our weapons. And Gibbs, you check our food supplies." Jack quirked his lips and gave them a calm little smile. "Any questions?"

"I still don't see _why_ we're goin' to the World's Eye," Ana Maria said. She studied Jack, who just gazed steadily back at her. "I've never heard tell of anything good coming from that place."

"Ah, but what _have_ you heard?" Jack asked coolly. Ana Maria stared at him, nonplussed. Jack explained.

"The World's Eye. What is it, besides bloody inconvenient to get to?" Jack's eyes were intense. "It's where souls go to know their fate."

Silence. Gibbs was still poring over the map. Ana stood up from the chair she had been sitting in, and stood with her arms crossed, facing Jack. He shifted his weight so that he was leaning on the table with only one arm. He perched the other on his hip.

"That still sounds an awful lot like the mouth of hell," Ana Maria said. Jack smiled and quirked an eyebrow. Ana Maria sighed.

"Oh, what the hell. I've always wondered what it looked like. I'll work on that inventory, Captain." Ana nodded to Jack and walked out onto the deck.

"Thanks, love," Jack called after her. He turned back to Gibbs. "Questions, mate?" he asked.

Gibbs thoughtfully scratched his muttonchops. "I'll be honest with ya, Jack, I still don't like it." Gibbs took his eyes off the map and looked up to Jack. "But if yer leadin', I'll follow."

Jack smiled and clapped him on the shoulder. "Splendid! Great! Fantastico!" Gibbs rose and left too, without another word, still looking pensive. Jack's optimistic smile stayed pasted on his face for a few seconds after Gibbs's departure, then was replaced with a tired expression. Jack sighed and threw himself into his chair. He reached for his favorite bottle of rum. Maybe a little alcoholism would help relax him.

"Splendid," he repeated to himself quietly, then took a long swig of rum.

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It was forty-five minutes later, and Erica had still not guessed what Lark had in mind.

"You said it was bigger than a breadbox, right?" she asked tiredly.

"Yes, but I'm still not sure what that is, exactly," Lark replied. She looked puzzled. "It's bigger than a loaf of bread, though."

Erica sighed. She'd named every single thing she could see. Lark looked triumphant. "Do you give up?" she asked.

Erica pursed her lips in a thoughtful frown. It would be pointless to name everything in the bilge again. Besides, some things she just didn't want to think about. (She was glad that Lark hadn't chosen the floating chunks of porridge as her object)

"Yes, ok, I give up. What was it?" Erica asked, finally giving in.

Lark smiled victoriously. "Jack Sparrow!"

Erica's eyes bugged. She goggled at Lark for a second.

"It was supposed to be something that was inside the room!" she finally squeaked out, overcome with frustration.

Lark looked at her, confused. "But Jack is in the room," she said.

Erica goggled at her some more. "What?!" she yelped.

Lark smiled patiently. "Jack is always with me, because Jack is always in my heart. I'm in the room, and if Jack is always with me, he must be in here too."

Erica stared for another good five seconds. Then, she sighed and went over to the mermaid. Maybe she would let her read her Cosmo.

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Ana Maria hummed to herself tunelessly as she rifled through the ship's armory. It wasn't too bad; they had lots of meat cleavers, cutlasses, and fearsome-looking spears. Basically, they had every weapon a pirate could ever want or need. There were plenty of weapons to go around; even those infernal women would be able to arm themselves.

Ana sniggered at the thought of an eternally beautiful woman playing a harp while gripping a rusty cutlass in her perfectly straight, pearly-white teeth. That would be something to relieve the tedium.

Then, Ana thought of an eternally beautiful woman sneaking up behind her stabbing her with a rusty cutlass while muttering angrily about "stealing Jack's affections." Ana shuddered.

She should really find a lock for the armory.

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Olivia Swann was tossed unceremoniously into the bilge, and landed with a splash. Erica and the mermaid looked up from the Cosmo they were sharing.

Olivia took a moment to shake out her gorgeous head of hair and to straighten her low-cut gown, which displayed her heaving bosom to perfection.

When she had preened to her satisfaction, she ahem'd importantly.

"Girls, I have a most excellent plan," she said, her ethereally beautiful voice tinkling like silver bells. "Tonight, I-" she glanced around at the other girls, who were looking on in interest, "-I mean, _we_, will execute the perfect plan. Tonight, I-we will capture the heart of Jack Sparrow!" Her eyes flashed with fire. Erica reflected that this made her look even less sane than usual.

She waited for questions to come. They finally did, from the mermaid. "What's your plan?" she asked, in flute-like dulcet tones. Olivia smiled.

"I'm glad you asked. See, we've been going about Captain Jack all wrong." She pursed her ruby-red lips. "We've been divided. If we're going to get him, we'll have to work together." She took a moment to survey how the others were taking this statement. There was a little muttering, but no major discontent.

"If we're going to get Jack, we have to have a comprehensive plan. We have to come at him in full force. We have to show no mercy." Olivia's eyes were like sparks.

Erica shivered, but listened to her plan with interest. If anything else, what she was outlining would at least be more fun than playing 20 Questions with Lark.

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AN: Ooh, what's Crazy Olivia's plan? I guess we'll find out in the next exciting chapter. Leave a review if you liked it!


	7. What a Beautiful Day

AN: Well, what can I say to explain myself

AN: Well, what can I say to explain myself? In my last A/N I made some crack about maybe updating within a year…and I can't even accomplish that! Wow.

Can I just say that this story is the longest-running story I have ever written? I started it when I was (I think) a freshman or sophomore in high school. Now, I'm almost done with my freshman year of college, and I'll still randomly get some reviews trickling into my inbox. Thanks so much to everyone who still stumbles across this and reviews. You are quite honestly the only reason I didn't stop writing this back in the first chapter. Now, if only I could bring myself to write more often…

This is why I could probably never be a real author.

Enough of my self-involved babble. I'm pleased to bring to you another exciting installment of Mary Sue Pirates Beware!

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Erica paced up and down the deck restlessly. She looked out over the ocean, wondering several things to herself.

Would she ever get off of the Black Pearl? Would she ever figure out what to do with herself in this world that she was flung into? Would her heart –

Erica's musings where rudely interrupted when she had to dive behind some crates. Certain instincts of hers had sharpened to a knifepoint since being dumped onto the Pearl. Among them was her hearing. She could hear the disapproving footsteps of sailors from a mile away.

Being thrown into water that looked like shit and smelled even worse was a really strong negative reinforcement for honing that skill.

It had been a whopping week and a half since she had come to on the deck of the Pearl, and already she had the hearing of a dog and the paranoia of a Roman senator.

Mr. Cotton and his parrot wandered by, in the midst of doing what Erica assumed to be nautical chores. She watched him from between a crack in the crates.

Hmm, what was a determined but displaced girl to do? Erica wondered idly if Jack would accept having her work as a personal servant. At least it would give her something to do. And then maybe the Pearl would be attacked by other pirates and Erica could save Jack's life. Awesome!

Old ways of thinking die hard, especially those of the fangirl variety.

_I wonder what the rest of the OCs are up to,_ Erica mused, while boredly watching Mr. Cotton. It was a sunny day, and the ropes that she was lying on were surprisingly comfortable. She was lulled by the smell of the warm hemp and the creak of the rocking ship. _Wonder if they're…causing trouble…_

Her thoughts drifted like bubbles and gently popped. Before long she was asleep.

- - - -

"Mr. Cotton!" Jack roared from on top of the captain's roof. The old man slowly turned to look at him.

Jack smiled. "Good job with tying those jibs!" he yelled. He waved approvingly. Mr. Cotton went back to what he was doing without replying.

It never hurt to boost the old morale.

Jack was sitting cross-legged on top of the flat roof. Spread out in front of him was a map. He could have just as easily have plotted indoors, but it was so wonderfully nice out. Sometimes you just can't say no to a gentle breeze.

He studied the map, and the position of the little bead that he had designated to be the Black Pearl. They were right on course.

_I wonder if Barbarossa ever did this_, Jack thought randomly. The idea of Barbarossa splayed out comfortably on the roof, soaking up sunshine, was strange to thing about. _What a nice day it is._

His eyebrows suddenly furrowed, and a moment of anxiety passed over him. _My thoughts seem a little simplistic,_ he thought. _They seem a little too hugs-and-sunshine._ It was frustrating.

_I hate everything about mysterious women and I am not a complicated but delicate machine that needs mending,_ Jack thought to himself cautiously. Nothing happened. Water lapped gently on the sides of the ship.

Everything seemed to be alright. Maybe it was just a beautiful day. Jack relaxed a little more.

- - - - - -

Ana half-dozed in the crow's nest, but still had one eye on the horizon.

What a ridiculously beautiful day.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

- - - - - -

AN: I was just really feeling chill today. Hope this counts as some sort of update.


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